Thursday, June 20, 2013

Life Humor 1.N

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:

----------

 Does anyone know why they have locks on the doors at 7-11 if they're open 24 hours?

----------

What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and [name your org]?.......
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership!

----------

Three men were in the hospital waiting room while their respective wives to deliver. 

Finally a nurse comes out asking for Mr. J.  "Congratulations, you're the proud father of twins!"  "Isn't that fascinating, I come from Twin Forks." and he runs off to see his family. 

The nurse returns for Mr S.  "Congratulations, you're the proud father of triplets!"  "Isn't that fascinating, I come from the Triple Cities."  and he hurries off. 

Immediately the third father stands up and starts to leave.  The nurse stops him and inquires about where he's going.  "HOME", he says, "to the Thousand Islands!!"

----------

To meet a project deadline, my programmers worked overtime for several weeks.  On the final evening, one woman said: "Boss, do you have a copy of the latest IRS tax regulations? There's something I want to look up."
  "What's that?" I asked.
  "Use of the office as a home."

----------

  "Nowadays, when opportunity knocks, you have to unlock both dead bolts, remove the chain, and turn off the burglar alarm..."

----------

Message sent out:  If anyone is walking (or even sitting) around with a blue Pilot pen with a transparent barrel which doesn't belong to them; I think it is probably mine.  I've lost three.  They seem to have walked away from my office.

The reply:  Reboot your office. They might come back.

----------

Werner von Braun said, "Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."

----------

     Bad luck is having your operation by the winner of the local grammar school's doctor-for-a-day contest.

----------

 Practicing medicine in the Bronx has its complications, but the following is something even we don't have to put up with:

 DHAKA (Bangladesh):  At least 50 patients ran screaming from their beds after five cobras reared their heads in a packed ward on the third floor of Dacca Medical College Hospital, officials said yesterday.
 Hospital employees killed the poisonous snakes after Tuesday's fright, but snake charmers were summoned today in case more serpents were lurking in the hospital.

--
         Craig Werner (MD/PhD '91)

----------

 Oxymorons:
Jumbo Shrimp
pretty ugly
good grief
friendly competitor
committed schedule
marketing strategy

----------

Daffy-nitions:

Fascinate:    Ma had nine buttons on her nightgown, but she could only fascinate.
Pasteurize:   The water's only up to my neck, but it's pasteurize.
Gruesome:  My dad stopped shaving and gruesome whiskers.

----------

No comments: