Monday, June 03, 2013

Life Humor 1.J

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
A few Light Bulb Jokes:

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Q:  How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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Q:  How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Five:  One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

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Q:  How many valley girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Oooh, like, manual labor?  Gag me with a spoon!  For sure.

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Q:  How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Billions and billions.

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Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  How many can you afford?

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Q:  How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.

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Q:  How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two.  One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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Q:  How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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Q:  How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A:  45.  One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

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Q:  How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs  they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted,  and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

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Q:  How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

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Q:  How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  one.

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