From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
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A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell. Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Adam Smith, looking bored.
"What's it like in there?" asked Dave.
"Well," replied Adam, "In Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"That's terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon.
Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
"In Communist Hell," said Marx impatiently, "they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"But ... but that's the same as Capitalist Hell!" protested Dave.
"True," sighed Marx, "but sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we don't have knives ..."
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A man goes to his doctor for a physical. A week later, the doctor calls him with the results. "I've got some bad news and some very bad news. First, the bad news. You have an incurable disease, and I estimate you have 24 hours to live."
The patient replies, "My God, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse?"
The doctor says, "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!"
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This IBM service rep, hardware engineer, and software engineer were driving down the road one day and they had a flat. The service rep wanted to replace the car, the hardware engineer thought they could work around it, and the software engineer said 'maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away'.
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Three guys went out in their 4 wheel drive unit to go "shootn". While out they found a rabbit from one of the neighboring farms and caught it. They decided instead of "shootn" at it, they'd have some real fun. And so they tied a stick of dynamite to the little beastie and lit it. Well remember, this was a poor confused farm rabbit, so it immediately ran off and hid,... directly *under* their four wheel drive truck. *BOOM*
.....and the four wheel drive truck suddenly turned into a Volkswagen Rabbit!
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A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
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There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
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"There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'"
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