From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
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One professor at school (an econ prof) had a strict policy that the hourly examinations were done at the bell and anyone who kept writing on their exam after the bell would take a zero on the exam. Well, one guy kept writing on his exam for a while after the bell and then confidently strode up to turn it in.
The prof looked at him and said "don't bother to hand that paper in...you get a zero for continuing after the bell."
The guy looked at him and said, "Professor, do you know who I am!!"
The professor replied, "No, and I don't care if your dad is president of the United States...you get a zero on this exam"
The guy, with a enraged look on his face, shouted, "You mean you have no idea who I am???"
The professor responded, "No, I've no idea who you think you are."
With that, the guy said "good," plunged his exam into the middle of the stack of other students exams, and did a hasty retreat from the examination room!!!
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BUREAUCRACY: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
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A professor watched while a mechanic removed engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car being repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking, and the talk turned to their lines of work.
"You know, doctor," the professor said, "I sometimes believe this type of work is complicated as the work we do."
"Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let's see him do it when the engine is running."
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Three professionals were discussing the nature of God. The doctor said, "The Bible states that God made Woman by taking a rib out of Man; God is obviously a surgeon." The engineer replied, "But before God made man he created Heaven and Earth out of Chaos; this is obviously the work of a master engineer. The lawyer just smiled and said, "But who do you think created the chaos?"
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A lawyer and a pope died on the same day, and both went to heaven. When the pope noticed that the lawyer had a larger mansion, he questioned Saint Peter about the allocation of rewards. The justification was "Well, we've had 265 popes up here, but this is the FIRST lawyer!"
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More you know you are in trouble when:
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
Your four year old tells you that its almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
Your car costs more to fill up that it did to buy.
The bird singing outside of your window is a vulture.
Airline food starts to taste good.
You have to borrow from your Visa to pay off your MasterCard.
The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
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