Thursday, June 06, 2013
Life Humor 1.K
From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
BUMPER STICKER SEEN ON A CAR IN FLORIDA:
"Leaving Florida? Take a friend."
-The Commision Against Progress in Florida
Subject: Praise or attack? Open-Apple, Feb '87 mentions a Wall Street Journal article...
Recently, Apple Computer Inc. purchased a $14.5 Cray Research supercomputer to aid in the design of their next-generation Apple computers.
John Rollwagen, Cray Research Inc. chief executive, told Seymour Cray about how Apple was using their newly purchased Cray supercomputer. "There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Seymour said 'That's interesting, because I'm designing the next Cray with an Apple'."
Last month, after one the boats was eliminated from the Cup, the crew members decided to go sightseeing for kangaroos. Sure enough, they were successful: They were motoring through the bush when the car hit a kangaroo with a thud. The driver was taken aback. But then he decided it might be neat to take off his official team Gucci jacket, put it on the limp kangaroo, prop up the animal and pose for pictures with it. This worked fine until the kangaroo, who was merely stunned, woke up and bounded away - with the car keys inside the jacket. The stranded crew eventually made it back to civilization, but only after a long, long walk.
At a recent aviation safety conference, Jack Eggspuler told a story similar to that of the student with the extra $25,000 credited to his account
[Steve Thompson, RISKS-4.46]:
He had banked for years at a small-town bank. One day, a large banking conglomerate bought up the small bank. After this, Jack noticed that his deposits weren't being listed.
He went into the bank to talk to them. It turned out that his account number, which had been assigned to him when the bank was independent, was identical to Borden Industries' account number with the conglomerate. Yup, his penny-ante deposits were going into Borden's account.
He thought it was straightened out. A week or so later he went in to cash a check, and asked for his balance. It was: $9,238,345.35. Ulp! He thought of a new Piper, but settled for a copy of the printout. He's got it hanging on his wall...
GIBU: Garbage in, Bucks out?
COMPUTER KILLERS OF MARIETTA
MARIETTA, GA. -- If you *really* hate that clunker computer of yours, you can put it in the car, drive to the Bullet Stop in Marietta, GA (off Cobb Drive at Powder Springs Rd.) and put it out of its misery on the two-year old shop's firing range. With a machine gun.
Cathy Lavista of The Bullet Stop explains, "We had an Apple, a little old Apple, and there was a Xerox copy machine. Hewlett-Packard also brought in one of their printers, one of the great big ones, and set circuit boards on top of them. And they blow apart nicely -- little pieces go everywhere. You wouldn't need a very big gun. You could knock it out with 50 rounds off an HK, a German machine gun. Then if you really want to finish it off you could put it out of its misery with a Thompson sub-machine gun. That shoots .45 caliber shot, it's the old gangster gun, and it really cleans it up."
Of the customers: "They shoot from pretty close. By the time they get them in here they hate them. They usually take them out at 30 feet, you like to see what you're doing. When we sweep the range we find little bytes and pieces of things." (She laughs at her cleverness on that last line.) Actually, Ms. Lavista says, computers aren't the only things The Bullet Stop will let you shoot. "You can shoot it as long as you can get it through the doors and it's already dead. We had to open a side door for the printer."