From the Henry Cate Life Humor
collection:
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From an Oaark Airlines Frequent Flyer mailing:
"Ozark introduces new 'Meeting Maker' fares"
New Yorker comment: "No, thanks."
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AN UNUSUAL TELEPHONE SERVICE CALL
This story was related by Pat Routledge of Winnipeg, MAN about an unusual telephone service call he handled while living in England.
It is common practice in England to signal a telephone subscriber by signaling with 90 volts across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other.
This particular subscriber, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did manage to ring her dog always barked first. Torn between curiosity to see this psychic dog and a realization that standard service techniques might not suffice in this case, Pat proceeded to the scene. Climbing a nearby telephone pole and hooking in his test set, he dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down from the pole, Pat found:
a. Dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron
chain and collar
b. Dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
c. After several jolts, the dog was urinating on ground and barking
d. Wet ground now conducted and phone rang.
Which goes to prove that some grounding problems can be passed on.
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Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
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A boy scout troop went on a hike. Crossing over a stream, one of the boys dropped his wallet into the water. Suddenly a carp jumped, grabbed the wallet and tossed it to another carp. Then that carp passed it to another carp, and all over the river carp appeared and passed the wallet back and forth.
"Well boys" said the Scout leader, "you've just seen a rare case of carp-to-carp walleting."
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Norte Dame started having strange sounds. Police were called into to find what was causing these sounds. All they could report was sometimes seeing a small brown object disappearing around corners and down holes. Weeks went by, when finally a small boy opened a door into a room to see a bag crossing the room.
This was the lunch bag of Notre Dame.
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A very rich man, who was very close to his money, got together with his closest friends one day, who happened to be a Priest, a Doctor, and a Lawyer (or course.)
The Rich Man was very old, and getting older, and was thinking about his approaching death. He told his three friends this, and asked them to do a favor for him when he died.
"Here are three envelopes, each contain $100,000, one for each of you. I don't wish to go to the afterlife without my money. Please, when I am buried, would each of you throw your envelopes into the grave on top of my coffin?"
The three friends agreed, and took the envelopes.
Sure enough (of course) the Rich Man died. At his funeral, the Doctor, the Priest and the Lawyer threw their envelopes on his coffin.
As they were leaving the funeral, the Priest said to the others, "I have a confession to make. The church needed a new altar badly, so I . . . I took $5000 to buy it," and looked at his feet.
The Doctor said, "Well, since you've admitted it, I too must confess that I took money. The children's hospital where I work needed a new, expensive X-ray machine, so I took $30,000 to buy it."
The Doctor and the Priest both turned to the lawyer, expecting a similar confession. Instead, he said "Oh, now, I didn't take any of the money. There was a check for all $100,000 in the envelope!"
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Note - The bike in this story is the old fashioned 1-speed kind.
There was a young boy who lived about 30 miles from Atlanta, Ga. He decided he wanted to take a trip into the city by himself so he saved all his paper route money. When he had enough money he asked his mom if he could go. The day he left she packed him a lunch and off he rode on his bike. He had been peddling for about 30 mins when a guy in a Corvette drove alongside him.
guy: Where you going?
boy: Im going to Atlanta.
guy: That's a long way to have to ride your bike, you want a ride?
boy: YEA, but what about my bike.
guy: Oh, yea. I know, I have a tow rope in my trunk. I'll tie one end to your handle bars and the other to my bumper. If while I'm driving I go too fast, just ring the bell on your bike and I'll slow down.
boy: Hey, great. Let's go.
So off they go. The driver finally levels off at about 40 mph and everyone's happy. A few minutes later a guy in this Jaguar XKE pulls up alongside the Corvette. He revs the engine, pulls ahead, drops back, pulls ahead again and starts yelling at the guy in the Corvette about his high performance 'vette only can do 40. Before you know both cars are gone in a cloud of dust. About 5 miles down the road they pass a speed trap.
Cop radioing ahead to his partner: Fred your not going to believe this. A Corvette and Jaguar just passed me going 170 mph. They're heading your way, so be ready. And you want to hear the amazing part of it......... there's this little kid on a bike, ringing his bell for all its worth, trying to pass 'em.
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