Here are a few excerpts:
Ask a group of seventh-graders how to conduct relationships, and much of their advice could apply just as well to adults: "Don't dance with another girl if your girlfriend isn't at the dance." "Don't hold hands with your best friend's boyfriend." "Tell your parents as little as possible."
Relationships sometimes only involve two clumsy conversations: the asking out and the breaking up.
These maladroit transactions are the training wheels of love, explains Bradford Brown, a human development professor at the University of Wisconsin, ....
That's the scary part. What are children learning about relationships that will actually benefit them as adults?
"They could be playing a joke on you," says Lime Kiln seventh-grader Shannon Bishoff. It's painfully common for a group of boys to pay someone to ask a girl out; $20 is the going rate.
In high school, kids begin to go out with whom-ever they find attractive. But in middle school, relationships are a form of currency among peers, a way to jostle for position.
From what I've read, it is the same in high school. Relationships are about moving up your position in the pecking order.
"Because romance at this stage is such a public affair, you really are essentially creating headline news," Brown says. Sneaking a kiss in a little-traveled spot by the buses after school is dismissed is okay, if you're up for it, which some kids are by eighth grade. And, of course, during Spin the Bottle at boy-girl parties: Making out there is fine, because, hey, you have to. That's where the bottle landed. Nobody can question your judgment, call you a slut. You were just following the rules.
Yuk. Boy, that's so ugly.
This article got me thinking about what my daughters are learning at home about love and relationships. I don't think it resembles anything they would learn at school.
So, on this Valentines day, I ponder on something from the Good Book about charity which is another word for love.
I Corinthians Chapter 13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity denvieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth...
I hope this is what our children will learn about love at home.
-------------------------------
Related Tags: romance, middle school, homeschool, dating
15 comments:
I think a lot of kids at that age treat the whole thing as being a fairly meaningless game, which is okay at that age. I'd rather the games than hearing, "I'm so going to marry him!" or other such things. Even kids in high school making such commitments before they are ready can be worse off than their peers that keep things light, so to speak. Kids will always learn the most about love and relationships from their parents' example. Dating in middle school and high school seems to be a series of experiments to apply the theory to the practice.
I would be interested to see if there is any benefit from dating in middle school or high school. It seems to interfere with learning which theoretically is the reason children go to school.
Having a "crush" is very normal and healthy, but dating and anything that puts a boy friend/girl friend emphasis seems to lead to nothing but bad.
There is nothing bad about this. It doesn't matter if there is no benefit. Kids can make the right choices for themselves, and they will learn more socially at school. This whole blog is filled with the incorrect opinions of someone whose children on't go to school. This is completely irreputable.
Middle school is a great place to try this out as long as it's an age-appropriate crush or the rituals described in the article rather than something more serious. My boy (rising seventh grade) is in a public middle school and he "dated" his best friend for four months this spring, and it gave him lots of self confidence about dealing with girls and people in general. The friendship even survived as strong as ever, so no harm done. I thought it was cute.
At any rate, quoting scripture when it's irrelevant to something the early Christians would have never experienced shows me exactly why my kids go to public school.
It's really nt that big of a deal I'm goin into the 8th grade be most ppl started datinq web they wer 3rd grade sure it was meaningless be if ur 14 and I've never had a boiifriebd or girlfriend her most likely goinq to get laughed at and also everybody else can fall in love why can't we it's only fair be it's by lyk were satin that wet goin to married to that person nd most of our parents dated wen they wer our age be wats the big deal a pop kiss maybe a makeout bt that's it nobody is havinq sex!!! So stop beinq so immature and araggant
I am in sixth grade *swears upon future grave* and people do date. It isn't serious really, it is hard to explain, but mostly it is having a boy as one of your best friends. Except, no one makes fun of you for having a friend who is a boy because that it what middle school boyfriends are. Some of the snotty girls are RUMORED to have kissed their boyfriends, but right now, kissing is still deemed as gross. I may not change your views, but I hope this gives you some insight to what middle school dating is really like.
PS, try to remember when *you* were in junior high. (If you were) If you weren't, ask someone who was. They'll tell you. My mom actually agreed with me. And yeah, you are being a little arrogant.
PPS, nobody really talks abput boyfriend/girlfriend except when there is nothing else to talk about so it DOES NOT interfere with our learning. Don't argue because you NOR your kids are in middle school. HA!
This article is so stupid. Kids are going to date. If you are going to be blind enough to think that your kids aren't going to date you are nieve. Kids will always find a way. So if you actually want your children to tell you if they are going out with someone, stop being so harsh. Kids will be kids. Most of them don't really care if the Bible say they shouldn't date. They will do it anyways!
I am in the eight-grade and I have a boyfriend, which I've been dating for three months. My grades were straight A's before my boyfriend and have not changed. I am not using my boyfriend to move up through my social status. Truth is, my social status declined because of my boyfriend, but I do not care. I'm dating him because I like him for him, and that is all. I love him for being a great person, and if it doesn't work out, I know I have a friend I can rely on for the rest of my life. He isn't a distraction, he is actually an aid. I turn to my boyfriend when I need help on studying or when I just need a companion. We don't "make out", we don't do anything inappropriate. It's just an innocent, sweet, middle school romance. Anyway, I wonder why you worry about this if your daughters are homeschooled.
I'm in eighth grade and I think I'm the only middle schooler who agrees with you. I found this blog post searching for facts to support me in my class debate about middle school romance, lol
In middle school parents have no reason to worry about their children dating unless their child goes out looking for a relationship that is not age appropriate. In a middle school the kids know who the "players" and guys are who are going to treat them disrespectfully and girls are not normally starting the physical part. If your child wants to date they will find a way. Not allowing you children to experience young love and middle school romance is robbing them of their childhood and putting them at a disadvantage at knowing what real love is. They will rebel once they have the first chance at freedom. The only reason i see at homeschooling you children is if you truly do not trust them to make wise decisions
Middle School kids are not as ignorant as you believe they are. If they do not wish to date they do not have to. If they want to date but they don't want it to get physical they don't have to do anything. They do have the ability to say NO. The only reason to not sent your children to normal schools because of the dating aspect is if you truly do not trust your children. You are robbing your children at experiencing their childhood. If they are forced to have their first experiences with dating when they are older they will feel uncomfortable and their will be bigger consequences. Middle school is not a time to fall in love but a time to experiences the happiness and sadness of dating. There are not big risks because of their level of innocence. Your children will rebel at the first chance they get.
Middle School is a time for innocent experimentation. If you make them wait till they get older it will no longer be innocent. Your heart heals quickly in middle school. If you make them wait longer to experience love when they have their heart broken they might have to carry that scar with them. It is a time to learn the do's and dont's of relationships. They lack that knowledge if you refuse to let them experiment. The will resent you for your unwillingness to let them live. FYI there are many benefits to middle school relations ships one being they learn how to deal with a broken heart.
Well, one data point:
Statistically speaking, the earlier adolescents date the sooner they become sexually active.
A great book that talks about this sort of thing is "Why Gender Matters."
I thought school was for getting an education. If it's all about socialization I want my tax money refunded. They can pay for their own entertainment. The sooner you let the door swing open to dating the sooner they will be having sex. When they are older they will have more will power and self control.
Post a Comment