The following is a really bad article in Babytalk Magazine, February 2006 . It details the pro and cons of mothers working full-time outside the home. These attitudes are ridiculous to many parents. This is especially true for homeschoolers who value the time spent with their children and are willing to make great sacrifices to make it happen.
[Note: I think this is very different from a family business, side business or working part time with spouse or family filling in the gap. Also, the motives and attitudes are different for mothers who are in the work force due to extreme poverty or the loss/disability of a spouse.]
I have to admit that I've struggled with some of these bad attitudes myself. (Just ask my husband.) When I had my first child, I was so angry that my "do what I want when I want" life had ended. I made my husband miserable for a couple of years before I started to realize how selfish and self-centered my attitudes were. Having been a child in the 60-70's, I was taught that it was all about me anyway.
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The benefits of working full-time
"For you: Although you cherish your child, you'll appreciate that not everything in life revolves around her. Working also keeps you in the game career-wise and stimulates you intellectually. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Remember, everything does not revolve around the baby, it revolves around me, me, me. It's all about how I feel.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Childhood is an influential times in a person's life. Much of adult traits are molded during early childhood. As a mother (or father), it is my duty to insure the safety and well being of my child. I can't do that successfully if I'm not there.
"For your kids: Your child may learn to do things for herself earlier and faster than the kids of stay-at-home moms. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: The quicker is better. That way I am able to spend even less time and attention on this child who is inconveniencing my life.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Children develop at different rates. They do not benefit from being rushed.
"For your marriage: Keeping the spark alive may be easier than if you stayed home, because part of you -- the savvy working woman -- still resembles the person your partner married. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Men are more concerned about the money than the relationship. He will stay interested if he sees you as a girl friend that pays her own way, not a wife that needs his support.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: As parents, our relationship matures as we make sacrifices for each other and our family. These changes are part of the natural growth of healthy couples.
The drawbacks of working full-time
"You: The guilt is what'll get to you. Your heart will break on those mornings when your anxious toddler is clinging to your leg, desperate for you to stay home. And cramming in quality bonding time before and after work can be exhausting. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Remember it is still all about me, me, me, me. How does it make me feel?
High-quality Parenting Attitude: What is in the best interest of the children?
"Your kids: Your baby will miss you. And when he gets older, he may complain that you weren't around enough."
Modern Parenting Attitude: Again, it's about me. I don't want him to be mad at me or I don't want to look bad later.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: The time invested into building a strong parent/child relationship will help my child reach his potential and be happy. The relationship has long term spiritual and temporal consequences.
"Your marriage: Things will fall by the wayside, and one of those things will be your husband. The end of home-cooked dinners and perfectly folded laundry may fly with him, but your lack of energy for couple time likely won't. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Men only want one thing anyway.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: The relationship of husband and wife is of top priority. Our unity in body and spirit give our children as profound sense of safety and well being.
The benefits of staying at home
"For you: Babies are delicious, and watching them develop is miraculous. You'll know your child better than anyone else. And you'll make your best mom friends during these early years. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Remember it is still all about me, me, me, me. What's in it for me?
High-quality Parenting Attitude: The time we have to care for our children is very short. We savor the privilege to be parents.
"For your kids: Having Mom roll out of bed every day ready for duty is a cozy setup for a baby! Even the sweetest sitter can't compare. There's no shifting gears in the morning, no daily separation anxiety, no confusing inconsistencies in routine. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: How extravagant to give a baby a stay at home mommy! Separation anxiety and inconsistencies in routine are only minor inconveniences for babies anyway.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Separation anxiety and confusing inconsistencies are a trauma on a child that should be avoided.
"For your marriage: You and your spouse won't butt heads over whose turn it is to miss work when the baby's running a fever. And having all day to do chores and errands means that when your partner comes home, you can be off-duty, too. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: My purpose in staying home is to get the chores and errands done. I can't be expected to focus my energies on the child. If I did that, my husband and I wouldn't be able to do what we want in the evenings.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: My children need my attention. An orderly household is secondary to the well being of the child. (This doesn't mean I let things go to "hell in a hand basket" but my standards may slip a little while my children are babies.)
The drawbacks of staying at home
"You: In a word: boredom. If efficiently ticking off tasks on a to-do list is important to you, then staying home may feel more like purgatory than heaven. At the same, your job never stops. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Me, me, me.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Through the experiences of parenthood, I learn what love really is. Motherhood and home management are a stimulating and challenging vocation.
"Your kids: Babies of stay-at-home moms can be clingier than those of working moms. Relying on you and you alone will be a hard habit for your child to kick when preschool starts. "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Babies bonding strongly with their mothers is a bad habit. Preschool is important because it frees me up to do more important things than taking care of a young child. It will annoy me if the kid is clingy when I drop him off.
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Children benefit from strong bonds to their parents. Children rarely benefit from institutional settings. Learning begins at home.
"Your marriage: Remember the good old days when you and your hubby spent hours venting about work? Now the first thing you'll want to discuss when he gets home is: When is he taking the baby off your hands? It's a recipe for conflict. Try to give him some time to unwind before dropping daddy duty on him! "
Modern Parenting Attitude: Work is the most important thing in my life. If we don't have work to talk about, what will we have to say?
High-quality Parenting Attitude: Family and spiritual relationship come first.
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Drum roll please. And now for the really, really bad advice at the end of the article:
Real mom sanity savers
"I send a disposable camera to daycare once a month. Seeing the pictures of what my babies have been doing is one of my favorite things."-- Working mom Donna, Rome, Ga.
Hey, if it makes me feel better, that's all that matters. I'm not concerned about how the baby experiences anxiety and feeling of abandonment while at daycare. The important thing is how I feel.
"Have a 'happy hour' playdate. Meet with other moms after naptime and crack open a bottle of wine while the kids play."-- Stay-at-home mom Sara, St. Paul, Minn.
Uh, yeah, right. Let's get sloshed while the kids play. I mean, ya know, it's all about me anyway.
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Technorati tags: homeschooling, homeschool, home school, home education, education, working mothers, preschool, stay at home mothers, daycare
6 comments:
"Working...stimulates you intellectually" and "The drawbacks of staying at home: In a word: boredom". Aahhh! This far too popular idea makes me want to scream whenever I hear it -- especially from other SAHMs. Why are we so quick to equate parenting with monotony...Rather, the planning and thinking and discovering that I do as I work on training and teaching and loving and playing with my children as fully as I can is far, FAR more stimulating and exciting than any day I had in my corporate "cube" selling financial products. Bleh, talk about boring...
If a SAHM is feeling bored, she's doing something wrong. There are so many challenging and creative things to do.
When I got married, I barely knew anything about cooking. I now grind my own wheat and bake bread. I am learning how to put together healthy meals. I bottled jam from the first time last year. (It felt great, especially since the fruit was free from a neighbors tree.) I'm learning to crochet with my daughters. I handle the family finances and file our taxes. I do research for investing our 401(k), etc. I create fun map activities and timeline stickers to go along with the history books we are reading. I've started doing some genealogy research. I found out that I have a 6th great grandfather with fought in the American Revolutionary War. Once a week I visit a old lady in a nursing home. I love to look for shopping/travel deals on line. And of course, there is blogging.
Some of these activities I do while the kids are working on other things. Others I can do with the kids. Either way, I just love my job.
While in general a wonderful response, there was a hiccup at the end.
Uh, yeah, right. Let's get sloshed while the kids play.
Sorry, but 4+ moms getting together to drink a bottle of wine while the kids play for an hour+ isn't "getting sloshed."
Yea, but don't you think it is strange to mix alcohol and little children? I was annoyed by the idea that they were "treating" themselves to a drink to help unwind and have a good time.
Is mothering really that traumatic?
After reading some of this anti-daycare website, I'd be AFRAID to send a disposible camera to day care. I'm not sure I'd have the stomach to see the photos...
Impressive link.
I spent sometime looking at the daycare site. Very well done. Thanks for adding it (who ever you are).
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