Waiting to Bloom

When I was a little girl, my father kept a garden in a homemade green house. We lived in Wyoming so the weather could be quite cold and unpredictable. The greenhouse extended the otherwise short growing season. Once, my father let me use an empty planter to grow flowers. I planted the flower seeds and waited. After a few days of seeing no progress, I dug into the soil, hoping to see the sprouts. I found a variety of sprouts. I just couldn't tell the weeds from the flowers. I removed what I thought were weeds and continued to water the planter. In the end, I had a planter full of weeds.

Being a parent is like growing a garden. Because a bad disposition (weeds) and good character traits (flowers) look so much alike in the beginning, parenting choices must be carefully considered. For example, am I helping my child to develop strong leadership skills or am I just allowing this kid to be bossy?
In addition, some of the worst parenting gets the best results in the short run. If I loose my temper and raise my voice, I can get instant peace and quiet. However, I have just planted a weed.

Homeschooling extends the somewhat limited "growing season" we have to nurture our children. It can provide the extra time a child needs to mature and grow. But homeschooling can also present an opportunity to indulge bad behavior which would otherwise be checked by outside constraints. Sometimes parents will put up with conduct that outsiders wouldn’t tolerate.

For example, a student in school gets a lower grade on a paper because it is late. The student hopefully learns not to procrastinate. This assumes that the assignment was developmentally appropriate, the student was given enough time, expectations were clearly defined, and the student was give access to necessary resources. In a school setting, the prospect that all of these criteria being present is unlikely. But, skipping the “school” experience still causes me a little angst.

My children don’t often get opportunities to meet deadlines for their “school work.” Our schedule is tailored to their needs as well as wants. There really is no such thing as a “late” paper at our house. As a result, I am constantly questioning myself, “Is this project too easy? Is this assignment too hard? Are my children learning the value of work?" I don't want to be an overindulgent parent, a parent who thinks she is nurturing a child but, is in reality, watering the weed like behavior of procrastination.

That is why homeschooling can be so challenging. I must be vigilant to insure that the appropriate lessons are being learned. I want to teach my children to work hard at tasks they find unpleasant. However, do I ever want learning to be unpleasant? [Isn't that what housework is for?]

My flower planter was full of weeds because I wasn't patient enough to let things grow at their own pace. Digging out questionable sprouts destroyed potential flowers. I think children are like that too. Over correction is damaging, even if it makes me feel better at the time. Children need to grow at their own pace.

I am happy to be a homeschooler even with my struggles. I am giving my children the gift of time. So, I will struggle with flowers and weeds, and wait for my children to bloom in their own season.