Life Humor 2.J

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
Life Humor 2.J was originally posted 4 December 1987

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Did you hear that there's a group of South American Indians that worships the number zero?

Is nothing sacred?

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LOS ANGELES TIMES:

It was, police figure, a 10 million-to-1 shot that saved the life of a federal agent in a shopping-mall shootout in Hialeah, Florida.  A drug suspect had aimed at the chest of Carlos Montalvo, an agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and pulled the trigger.  But the shot struck Montalvo's gun, lodging in the barrel.

After draining excess fuel from the flooded engine of his 1946 aircraft, Douglas Youngs reached into the cockpit and started the engine.  But he had forgotten to close the throttle and the plane took off without him.  The errant aircraft was eventually found 65 miles away, perched in an 85 foot tree near Clifton, New York.  Youngs thinks he can repair the plane, just as soon as he figures out how to get it down from the tree.

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It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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Two hippies were waiting at the bus stop along with a nun with her leg in a cast.  The first hippie asked "Sister, how did you break you leg?"  "I slipped in the bathtub."

Later the second hippie asked the first "What's a bathtub?"

"How should I know, I'm not Catholic!"

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The five rules of Socialism:
1. Don't think
2. If you do think, don't speak
3. If you think and speak, don't write
4. If you think, speak and write, don't sign
5. If you think, speak, write and sign, don't be surprised

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     Why do Soviet policemen always patrol in groups of three, as in fact they often do?
     One of them knows how to read, one knows how to add, while the third is there to observe the two suspected intellectuals.

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     How does the Soviet Constitution differ from the American?

     Under the Soviet Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of speech, but under the United States constitution they are guaranteed freedom after speech.

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