Monday, January 13, 2014

Life Humor 2.G

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
Life 2.G was posted 13 Oct 1987


On Sept. 28, a production B-1 Bomber crashed.  The cause: a flock of birds.

The obvious question is, why not devote some of the billions of dollars being spent on national defense to build bird farms?

The Army could fence up thousands of birds in selected locations, and release them if enemy planes were detected.

This would be called the "Strategic Fence Initiative".


After a long discussion about giving out phone numbers to store clerks, the following comment was made:

Many folks have written with perfectly plausible explanations about why merchants take my phone number on a credit card charge.  What these fail to address, however, is that if I'm perpetrating a fraud in the use of this credit card, I'm not about to give out a correct phone number. They make no effort to validate the phone number before I leave, so what they're doing is collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people.
Now then...Why are they collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people?

I once asked why you are asked for your phone number when using your charge cards.  The clerk explained that thieves have been caught because they stupidly put down THEIR home phone number, not the phone number of the person who "owned" the card.


I got a call yesterday from your typical sales rep.  Actually, she wasn't so typical...


ME [picking up phone]: Hello?

SALES REP: Hello.  I represent such-and-such a company.  We make products for children and --

ME: Excuse me.


ME: I don't have any children.

SALES REP: Do you have any grandchildren, then?

I gave up at that point...


bumper sticker:


After three earthquakes and a record breaking heat wave, the climate in California this week is: SHAKE AND BAKE


The city of Whittier, California was founded many years ago, mainly by Quakers. There is a prominent sign composed of large, brass letters on one of the financial institutions in that community identifying it as the Quaker City Bank.  The last letter of the first word fell off during an earthquake yesterday, making the sign read "Quake City Bank."


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