Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Life Humor 1.T
From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
Heard about the new restaurant on the Moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere!
What did the crow sit on the telephone wire?
He wanted to make a long distance caw...
You see, there were these two old men who loved baseball. They loved to go to games, watch games, listen to games on the radio, and talk baseball. However, they both knew they were reaching the end of their lives and thus decided to make a pact with each other. Whichever of the two was to die first, he would try to come back in some way and let the other know if there was baseball in heaven.
Well, as the story goes, one of the men soon took sick and passed away, leaving his friend alone. But not more than a week had passed since the funeral when a ghost appeared to the old man as he was watching the Red Sox-Yankees game. (Ed.-Death=Red Sox)
He looked closely and realized that it was indeed the ghost of his old friend. He had been able to come back!
"You've made it back!" said the old man.
"Yes, but I've got good news and bad news," said the ghost.
"Tell me, my friend, is there baseball in heaven?" said the old man.
"Well, yes, there is, that's the good news."
"Wonderful! Now, what's the bad news?"
"The bad news is...You're pitching tomorrow."
There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessen and one day had decided to make a stop in to the deli for some liver. Well he went in and ordered the liver. And while the clerk was weighing out the liver the boss (who was known to be real cheap-skate) whispered to the clerk, "Weigh down upon the swami's liver."
A newly-wed couple sat down to eat a ham dinner. The husband enjoyed the meal. But he noticed, both ends of the ham were cut off. Being a newly-wed, he did not have enough nerve to ask why the ends were cut off.
They had ham several times. And, it was always cooked the same way. Finally the husband got enough nerve to ask his wife why she cooked it that way. She replied, "that is the way my mother cooked it."
At Thanksgiving, they had dinner at is in-laws. He noticed his mother-in-law did cook the ham the same way. After dinner, he said, "I enjoyed the dinner; but, why did you cut the ends off of the ham?" She replied, "that is the way my mother cooked it."
At Christmas, her family had a big get together. All the relatives were there. They had ham for dinner. It was very good. But, it - also - had the end cut off. After dinner, he said, "I enjoyed the dinner; but, why did you cut the ends off of the ham?" She replied, "my pot is too small to fit the ham in with out cutting off the ends."