Monday, April 29, 2013

Henry Cate's Life Humor 1.G

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:

Subject: The software that worked too well

This story is nth hand, thus to be classified as rumor.  But it is relevant to RISKS, so I pass it on, if only as a parable.

SeaTac is the main Seattle-area airport.  Ordinarily aircraft landings are from the north, and this end of the runway is equipped with all the sensing equipment necessary to do ALS (Automatic Landing System) approaches.

The early 747 ALS worked beautifully, and the first of these multi-centaton aircraft set down exactly at the spot in the center of the runway that the ALS was heading for.  The second 747 set down there.  The third 747 landed on this part of the runway. ... As did all the others.

After a while, SeaTac personnel noticed that the concrete at this point at the north end of the ALS runway was breaking up under the repeated impact of 747 landings.  So the software was modified so that 3 miles out on the approach, a random number generator is consulted to choose a landing spot -- a little long, a little short, a little to the left or a little to the right.

   Don't assume you understand the universe without actually experimenting.


  Joke! A guy is driving through Vermont when he sees some old fogey sitting on a rocking chair, rocking back and forth, looking like he hasn't moved since 1957. He asks they guy "Been rocking there all your life?" And the guy replies "Not yet!"


Another shaggy dog story:

In days of old when knights were bold there was on little runt who had to use a large shaggy dog instead of a horse.  Well it seems that as he was out on a quest it started raining and very dark and gloomy.  As it happened he came  upon a castle and requested entrance to the establishment.  He was admitted and soon he and his dog were drying themselves in front of the fire.  Soon  enough they were dry and comfortable and the day had turned to night and  the storm had become worse.  The knight prepared to go and noted that the dog was just as wet as ever and even more shaggy looking than when they had came in. The lord of the castle looked the situation over and thought a  while then proclaimed:

"I'll let you stay the night.  I can't send a knight out on a dog like this"


An Englishman is trying to hitch a lift in the Irish country side. Soon a mini-truck pulls up and the Englishman boards. "You look lost Lad. Where'er you off to?" asks the driver, an old Irishman. "Down this road 'bout 6 kilo- meters" the Englishman says. "Ah! y'er English. I'm a farmer. I'm off to the market to sell me horse and the pig." the farmer says as he points to the back. "These are dangerous parts, Lad, you shouldn't be out here alone, you know. That's why I carry this buffalo-rifle, you know, for safety."

Just then, another truck approaches head-on on collision course. The farmer swerves back and forth to maintain control. After a lot of skidding, he hits a street-light pole and they all come flying out of the truck. The farmer gets up to assess the damage. He sees his pig, all cut up and barely breathing. He limps back to the truck, gets his rifle and approaches the pig.

"Oh poor little piggy," he says, "All cut up and bleeding. Yer must be in terrible pain. I'll put ya out of yer misery". He points the gun at the pig and pulls the trigger and BOOM. Then he walks over to the horse which is also lying there bleeding. "Oh poor little horsey, all cut up and bleeding. Yer must be in great pain. I'll put ya out of yer misery". He points his gun at the horse and BOOM. Finally he looks the Englishman, who has been watching all this. Being hurt bad, he's struggling to get up. He has a slash across the side of his face, arms and legs cut up and bleeding badly and one eye squinting and blood trickling out of his mouth. The farmer walks over to the Englishman and asks, "Are ya alright?" The Englishman responds with a quivering voice while his hand is shaking with a nervous twitch, "Fine, I've never felt better in my life! Thanks for the ride."


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