Thursday, March 28, 2013
Henry Cate Life Humor 1.7
From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:
Subject: REVIEW: Curiosa
Title: Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual
Author: Felton, Bruce and Mark Fowler
Publisher: Gramercy Publishing Co.
Bruce Felton is the managing editor of RCA's corporate magazine, COMMUNICATE, and Mark Fowler is a free-lance writer. Their book is a collection of the best, worst, and most unusual of almost everything. A few excerpts follow.
Worst Editing of a Film: A movie theater manager in South Korea decided that the running time of The Sound of Music was too long, so he shortened it by cutting out all the songs.
Most Unusual Traffic Fine: If you run a stop sign in Fargo, South Dakota, it'll cost you a $25 fine or a pint of blood. The choice is yours.
Most Unusual Campsite: The world's first hi-rise campground will soon be built in downtown New Orleans. Campers will park their cars on the eight lower floors of the building and take an elevator to the 240 campsites on the upper twelve stories. Each campsite will be equipped with electrical connections and carpeted with astroturf.
Most Unusual Hotel: Hotel La Parra is located off the coast of Spain and boasts a truly unique view, since the entire hotel is 49 feet underwater. Getting there is half the fun, as there are no boats serving the hotel. Guests must swim there, with their gear sealed in waterproof bags. La Parra can accommodate up to twelve guests at a time and is said to be quite comfortable.
I just heard about a group of US tourists who came back from the Soviet Union. They visited Lenin's Tomb, which is one of the most important monuments in the Kremlin. Although the line was long, the foreigners were allowed to go to the front of the line. As they were allowed to enter, one 20 year old woman was not allowed to go in because she wore a short sleeved blouse.
(It was in the summer) She couldn't figure out why such a rule existed.
Later on, she asked her travel guide about the rule, and was told that the Soviet constitution does not guarantee the right to bare arms.
Some from the 8th annual Ten-Best Stressed Puns competition:
A man discovered that a blood vessel on his wife's forehead would enlarge as the barometric pressure fell. He learned soon to predict rainstorms by observing her weather vein.
During a dark night in Killarney, a group of American tourists huddled in Durty Nellie's pub. A local Irishman sidled up to one of them and proposed a scheme to sell a cure for leprosy. "I'm sorry", the American said, stiffly.
"I'm not Irish. I don't believe in leper cons."
HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING
TO BE A ROTTEN DAY
You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your income tax check bounces.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Author Unknown ... But Troubled