Monday, February 18, 2008

Humor: Who's on First - the computer version

Who's on First by Abbott and Costello is one of the all times great's! If you haven't ever heard it, or heard it recently, you might enjoy listening to it:

My mother just forwarded me the modern version. It is also great fun. I've not been able to track down who wrote it. Enjoy:

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have sounded something like this:
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your damn blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

A few days later:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

Tom King says he wrote the above piece and gives his permission to post it.

---------Technorati tags: computer, humor

7 comments: said...

Just great! Even the geek in the house thinks so. And thanks for linking to the original. The children hadn't seen it.

Hope you find the author. They deserve hearty applause.

Max said...

Great writing! Check this out:

Different direction, but same idea!

Henry Cate said...

Kay, I'm glad you enjoyed the skit.

Max, you are right, that was funny.

alli said...

If I were the type to c/p that and forward to to ten of my friend with the command that they forward to ten of their friends, I totally would. Excellent!

T said...

Hi, Thank you for posting this. I was looking around the net for a good piece my son's Humourous Interpretation for his Speech club. In doing so,I also found this guy who says he is the author. Don't know if it is true, but thought I'd let you know. :-)
Blessings, Teri

Tom King said...

I did write the piece. It's copyrighted, but I don't mind anyone at all using it so long as it's credited. If you'd add this line it would make me happy.

© 2004 by Tom King
- used by permission (

The copy you shared apparently lost my byline somewhere along the way. I wrote the piece in 2004. The original post site has been take down, but I reposted it on my own blog here:

It's a little thing but I include the piece in my credits on my resume and uncredited copies of my posts hurt my credibility, especially if they are high ranked on Google.

Thanks. I'm flattered you used the piece.

Tom King

Tom King said...

It's true. I wrote it. It got loose on the net without my signature. If you could add this at the bottom, I'd appreciate it.

© 2004 by Tom King - used by permission

I'm a freelance writer and attaching my byline helps. I wrote the original in 2004 and reposted a revised version in 2009. If you want to use it for a UIL or theater competition contact me through my blog ( and I'll send you an official script and permission to use the material. This should satisfy the judges as far as copyrights go. Always glad to help out homeschoolers. Also the piece used coupled with Who's on First as a sample of A&C's style, is a good way to teach young actors how to transfer new material into the same style as the original. A lot of drama teachers have been using it for that. Thanks for respecting my copyright. I know how hard it is to find stuff for homeschool that isn't, well, off-color. Happy home-schooling.

Tom King