Monday, October 16, 2006

Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women

So this one caught my eye.

A new book, Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, takes on the myth that men are intimidated by intelligent women.

You can read more about it here.

By ages 35 to 39, a higher percentage of high-achieving women have walked down the aisle than their less accomplished sisters.

Women who are panicked about their marriage prospects are more likely to give off negative or desperate vibes to men, and SWANS who believe that men will be intimidated by their education or success may find that it's really ego and attitude - not their success - that are getting in the way. .

It is nice that some one has put this myth to rest. My husband has a funny story about something like this. Before I met Henry, he dated a lot ot women. (He estimates it was about 500.) Anyway, he once went out with a nice woman who came across like a dumb blond. While on a date with this woman, he had flash forward moment where he could picture them married to each other with children. In this flash moment, he imaged that she turned to him while driving home from church and said, "Honey, do we have 3 or is it 4 children?" He never asked her out again.

Henry mentioned that intelligence, and height were important to him. I never worried about intelligence scary away a potential husband. I did worry about height. I am almost 6 feet tall. When I was in school and I was taller than every boy, it effected how I looked at myself. All the popular girls were short. None of the women's clothing in stores was long enough in the legs or arms back then. So, we often shopped in the mens department. That negatively impacted self image as well.

This has influenced my decision to homeschool. My tall daughters like being tall. And, they don't care what is "in" or what the popular kids do. Staying away from school definately made that possible.

Now back to the article. I was struck by how self absorbed and emotionally needy some of these "swans" sounded. It reminded me of the recent uproar over the "don't marry a career woman" advice in Forbes magazine.

I agree that it is not success, but attitude that scares away a potential spouse. Both men and women are wise to avoid a spouse who puts career before family.

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Anonymous said...

Personally, I think that you are going to marry someone of similar status. Intelligent people tend to be higher status. Stupid people tend to be lower status. Thus smart people marry smart people, stupid people marry stupid people.

For better or worse, that's really what it boils down to.

Mama Chaos said...

I don't think I would marry a man who did not want an intelligent wife. I don't think the kind of man who would prefer that kind of woman would even be onmy radar.

Janine Cate said...

I think most people marry someone of an equal level of functioning. That doesn't mean that both partners are the same in all aspects of their life, just that over all, they average the same in things like emotional maturity, intelligence, productivity, honesty, and so forth.

If you aren't doing well in some aspect in your life, you would not be attracted to a really high functioning person, and vice a versa.

That reminds me of the book, Men whe hate women and the women who love them. It's been a few years, but I think that's the book.

The author suggested that abusive men early in the relationship will do something to test their partners by purposely doing something slightly inappropriate followed by acting extremely charming and attentive. If she draws the line in the sand after the first little offense, he will walk away because he is not interested in a emotionally healthy woman. (Also, an emotionally healthy woman would kick his butt to the curb.) However, if the woman is emotionally vulnerable and gives him a second chance, he will take that as permission to treat her badly and things will escalate.

It's been over 15 years since I've read the book, but I think it boiled down to "If you find jerks attractive, there is something wrong with you."

Margaret said...

"If you find jerks attractive, there is something wrong with you." Imagine what the world could be like if women just stopped consorting with jerks. And having babies with jerks. Women don't understand the power they have over men.

Janine Cate said...

How true!